Cont.
12/15/13 - 0845pm
I totally put his name on my blog. I wonder if he or anyone he knows in real life will ever find it? Why am I doing this? Am I feeling guilty? Will I ever remove the identifying information on my blog? I'm not sure why I added those tags and labels on my posts. It's like deep inside me I want to out him. I want people to know his secret. I guess I still feel bitterness and anger in my heart. If I ever get readers, I'm not sorry. You can say what you want, but this is my blog. I will write, say, and post whatever I feel like it. Sorry if you don't feel the same way. You didn't experience the pain I felt, so don't be quick to judge me.
0850pm
Ooh btw, I wonder if Tyler knows that Bryan is gay. He frequently calls him "babe." Not sure if that's just a joke, but I get this strong feeling in my gut. I think Ryan might be gay as well. I'm not sure. They all live sick, twisted lives.
0852pm
I'm not sure why I started this blog. I think I wrote this blog to deal with the pain. Or maybe secretly, I wanted to expose him, but I couldn't do it directly. So, I'm kinda doing it behind his back. I don't know what I wanted to accomplish. I wonder why it doesn't feel good that I'm doing this. Maybe I just don't want him to use other girls and hurt them like he hurt me. I wonder what his motive is for talking to Alicia and Billie again on Snapchat. I want to tell him to stop, but I have no right to ask him do things for me anymore. I wonder if Ryan and Tyler changed their names. They probably always talk shit about me and laugh when they thing about the things I did. They have no idea. Or do they?
Update
0905pm Hmm, I'm wondering I should post a photo of him. Maybe the videos of him jacking off will come out soon? Can my conscience handle it?
0916pm
I remembered earlier in church. "Hey, the only thing that's been up there is a finger." How did I forget to ask you if that was Ariel who did that, since you said she was the only girl you fucked. How did you get off having sex with her if you weren't attracted to her or other females. I guess it was just another lie. Another lie I believed.
0930pm
I think I know why I'm doing this. I'm sad, mad, hurt, depressed, I don't even know anymore, that you left me broken. I'm still upset. Very much upset over it.
0934pm
I'm kinda tired of this. I spent hours typing and transcribing my thoughts in this little sticky note on my laptop. I'm gonna go watch "Catch me if you can" for a bit. Ttyl self.
0937pm
After 3 mins., I'm back! Lol. I never believed in long distance relationships, but after I met you and fell in love head over heels, I believed in it. Or wanted to. I wanted us to work so bad. I wanted so bad to see you. To meet you. To hold you. To hug you. To be with you. To do things normal couples do. Now, all those hopes and dreams of being with you are all gone. They're still in my heart and I still think about them sometimes, but whenever I do, my heart stings and I feel the the sadness, the loneliness, the pain, the anger, the hurt, the bitterness, and the confusion all over again.
Lanny, "Lannballs," the "retarded, creepy ass bitch."
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I'd appreciate some advice on what to do. Tell what you would do and how you'd feel if you were in my shoes.