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Today.

12/15/13 - 1009pm You made me feel worthless. You made me believe that only you can make me feel loved, though ever so rare that you made me feel loved and cared for. You treated me like shit and I accepted all of it. They say "we accept the love we think we deserve," and I think it's very true. I remember telling you "I deserve better," but I'm thinking to myself, do I really deserve better? (1011pm).
1022pm
My boyfriend had a fake facebook account under the name "Jake Hansen." That's probably the account he uses to have cybersex with other faggots online. Maybe it's full of nudes of his dick he sends to other guys because he changed his password. If I wanted to, I can probably hack everything again. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have told him that I knew the password for the soccer_ruler email address. But meh. Anyway, whatever.
1032pm
I finally stopped typing and updating my blog. Ok, later.
1038pm
He said I could tell my friends that he was gay as long as I didn't tell his friends. Well, the internet is my friend. I'm as lonely as it gets and he's as gay as they get. #Bitter.
12/16/13 - 0200am
"I dunno. Something about you." "When we don't talk, I just think about you all day." Dickwad.
0244am
Tell me how I can start over without continuously craving your presence by my side :/
0320am
Maybe if we broke up because of another girl, then I'd be motivated to actually lose weight. But we broke up because I found out that you were gay. I know that no matter how much weight I lose and even if I was the most beautiful girl in the world, it wouldn't make a difference. I can't say I'm losing weight to make you realize what you've lost because it's pointless. I know you'll never look at me the way I had always hoped you to.
0802am
Typed a couple of thoughts on my phone about signs that he was gay way before I found out. I guess my subconscious tried to suppress the suspicion that he was gay because I loved him. But anyway, maybe in a few days I'll remove his name. Right now, I'm not fully ready. But, I prayed earlier about everything. I'll try not to contact him for now.
1110pm
To think I was even imagining having little mixed, white kids with you. Wow. I was thinking how life would be in the future with you. I was thinking I'd be working hard and you'll still have some low-paying, minimum job, and I was ok with that. Lol. Wow. Things I would settle for for someone I love. That's why I was even telling you to go back to school and get your GED. I was already thinking of things I'd tell my family and friends abut your educational/social background. I was also happy and ecstatic that both my mom and I had white boyfriends. I even wanted to tell you about it. I guess I didn't and I guess that's a great thing. Anywhoo, I'm going to buy some RP and play league of legends. This stupid fucking game that cost me so much time, money, and heartache. This stupid game led me to you. This is how me met, and this is where it all began. The tragedy that crushed my heart from day 1. I was imagining how it'd be meeting your mom! I was imagining that when I go to Canada to visit you, that I'd stay at your place. I stay there and go shopping while you go to work. You come back home with things and clothes I've bought you, and all your friends look at you with envy thinking "wow, Bryan is so lucky for having her." I guess all those things will never happen. But I wish they can happen with another guy. I wish I could find a boy who would love me for me, care for me the way I cared for you, and need me in his life. One where I wouldn't have to chase him. One where I wouldn't have to beg him to stop me from walking away. One who I won't have to give an ultimatum for him to show me how much he really loves me. Ok, I'm just ranting now. Latersss (1118pm).

Update

1130pm That's why you said you didn't care about my body or how I looked, because you never saw me that way. That's why you faked that relationship status on facebook. That's why you didn't want anyone to know. Because maybe if people knew, then they would keep asking you questions about it and you were afraid you'd get exposed. Or maybe you were afraid that if people knew, then your chances of scoring with another MAN would likely be impossible. That's why.